Spy in the Family
by Foxcat93
Summary: Max and 99's twins are 17 years old now. Are they ready for an adventure with Max? Please read and review!
1. The Smart Family

**Spy In the Family**

_Author's Note: This is my take on Max and 99's twins. In my "Get Smart world," none of the movies happened and neither did the 1990's TV series. This story takes place in the mid 1980's._

**Chapter 1 – The Smart Family**

It was the day after Sarah and Shawn Smart's 17th birthday. Sarah opened the door of her bedroom and groaned. It was still a huge mess. Let's face it, she was a sloppy kid. Her mother had told her she was no longer going to pick up after her and that Sarah had to take charge of her own messes.

Sarah looked around the room. The bedclothes were piled up on the bed where she had crawled out from under them this morning before her last day of the school term. Yesterday's clothes were strewn on the floor along with some books. The dust on the dresser was getting to the point where it didn't take the white glove test to show it up. Her bedroom wall clock had stopped and she hadn't bothered to wind it. Her jewellery drawer was still on the floor from this morning when she went through it and pulled out several things to wear. Her closet door gaped open, revealing a mess of clothes inside and there were varied and sundry items sitting on her dresser and bedside table. She just didn't have time for cleaning…there was much more to life than that…art, music, reading, writing poetry, boys…

It wasn't that Sarah ever _looked_ like a slob. She always dressed carefully and stylishly. She dressed in suits, dresses and slacks or jeans that fit her perfectly. Her school friends thought she dressed too "old" for her age.

In stocking feet, Sarah barely stood five feet tall. She was petite and small boned, with jet black, shoulder length hair and hazel eyes. Most people would say she was stunning and her face was lovely. Sarah herself wouldn't. But then, what 17-year old girl is pleased with her own appearance? She felt her nose was too long and there wasn't enough of her lips to adequately put lipstick on.

Sarah wished she looked more like her mother, a tall, statuesque brunette. Sarah's mother had beautiful hair, expressive, lovely blue eyes and nice full lips. Why hadn't she inherited those terrific lips? Even her fraternal twin, Shawn, had better lips than she had. Other than that, Shawn and Sarah looked remarkably alike. Shawn was slightly taller than average in height, with the same black hair, hazel eyes and long nose. They both had their mother's long eyelashes. But mostly they looked like their father.

Sarah had to find her uniform so she could get ready for work. She had started a job as a waitress several weeks earlier, but it wasn't her favourite thing to do. Not that Sarah wasn't hard-working and serious about making a little money, but after several mishaps with glassware, getting orders mixed up and charging a previous week's special price for the present week's regular meal, she wasn't sure she was cut out for this type of work. Then there was last night.… dumping a whole tray of food on a customer was pretty awful. She had some knots in her stomach just thinking about what her boss was going to say when he found out. And she had been hoping to ask Mr. Logan for full time work starting next week, when the school's summer vacation started.

"Sarah, phone!" shouted her mother, from downstairs.

She was looking for her uniform under the huge pile of clothes in the closet. "Coming, Mom!" she shouted back. She tripped over her jewellery drawer on the way out, but picked herself up quickly and ran downstairs.

The voice on the phone was her boss. He sounded upset. "Sarah, when I came in today and found out about your latest accident…well...I'm sorry, but I am going to have to let you go. I can't risk losing any more customers. I'll mail out your last check."

Sarah put down the phone with tears in her eyes. "What's the matter, Sweetie?" said her Mom, as Sarah ran past and out into the yard. Sarah found her favourite place, the garden gazebo. Inside was a three-person swing. There were brightly coloured flowers surrounding the gazebo and it was a fabulous place to read a novel, take a nap, sneak a kiss with a boyfriend and even made doing homework more fun. This time she grabbed an old blanket and pillow from the swing, and slipped them and herself underneath where she couldn't be seen from the house. She started crying softly.

At that moment, Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 of Control, pulled into his garage. He was driving his beloved red Tiger Sunbeam. The car had originally been a company car, outfitted by Control for their top agent. It contained many interesting devices, that 20 years ago, had been the height of high-tech gadgetry. Max had to give up the car when he crashed it during the course of a case and Control gave him a succession of other company cars. But nothing was as much fun to drive as the little red sports car.

Then for his last birthday, Max's wife - Agent 99 and the twins gave him one of the best birthday gifts he had ever received. It was the red Tiger Sunbeam, the very same one, completely restored! 99 had discovered that the car hadn't been junked. She found the car by doing a lot of detective work, bought it from its present owner and had it restored. Shawn, whose hobby was fixing cars, had done some of the work.

Max wondered how Shawn had gotten so good at fixing cars…it seemed as if he were born with a wrench in his hand. But because Shawn had worked on the car, it made the gift even more special.

Max got out of the car and opened the back screen door of the house, leading into the kitchen. "99, I had a fantastic day today! Where are the kids…I want to take you all out to dinner."

"Shawn is out with his friends…he said he will be back in time for dinner…Sarah is in the gazebo…she got a phone call…I am guessing she won't be going to work at the restaurant any more. Can you go out and talk to her, love?"

"Sure, 99," said Max.

Max sauntered over to the gazebo, tripping on the garden hose. Sarah heard him and wiped her eyes. She didn't like letting anyone see her cry, especially her Dad. "What are you doing under there?" asked Max, meeting her eyes at the same level as he was getting up from the flowerbed. He entered and sat down on the swing.

"Nothing," answered Sarah in a small voice. She hoped her eyes weren't red. She carefully extricated herself from under the swing and sat on it next to Max.

"What's wrong, hon'?

"Oh, pooh, Dad, I messed up royally this time. Mr. Logan fired me." She then went into great detail about what had ensued the previous evening and ended up describing the hapless customer who had beef stroganoff in his hair, minestrone soup down his back and red wine in his lap. She was giggling by this time. "You know, Dad, he really looked funny." Max agreed it sounded pretty funny too and hugged his daughter.

"Do I look OK, Dad? Are my eyes all red?"

Max squinted at her a moment, then asked, "Would you believe me if I said your skin is pearly white and you look like a raven-haired Marilyn Monroe?"

She knew he was teasing and took the bait. "Not a chance, Dad."

"Would you believe that men everywhere, including me, are stunned by your "Helen of Troy" beauty?

"I don't think so!"

"What if I said, you resemble Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer?"

By this time, she was laughing hysterically, partly because she was feeling relieved at talking about the work incident and partly because her Dad was kidding around with her.

Sarah adored Max. She wanted to be just like him, to have his confidence, to be able to always come out on top, no matter what the odds. She loved everything about him, his dark good looks, his sure-of-himself, slightly arrogant, but never-quit attitude and she even thought his clumsy awkwardness was charming. He seemed to always have two left feet and they were always getting caught in something; he was always having weird accidents and jumping into situations without thinking. He sometimes took a while to figure out what other people were talking about and he was good at sticking his foot in his mouth. But he loved Sarah, Shawn and 99 with all his heart. He had tried his darndest over the years to be a good father. Sarah felt she was lucky to have a Dad like him.

"Hon'," said Max. "I want all of us to go out to dinner tonight….eh…it will be at a restaurant far, far away in a distant galaxy, so you won't be anywhere near Mr. Logan!"

"OK, Dad, I'll bite!" smiled Sarah.

99 had been watching them in the gazebo from the kitchen window. She smiled at how alike they were, in looks and in temperament. Just then, a convertible-with-the-top-down jalopy pulled up to the garage. It was painted several non-matching colours and had a hideously loud muffler. Shawn jumped over the side of the car like he'd seen his father do many times with the red Tiger, except that Shawn didn't get his feet caught on the top of the door like Max always did.

"What is that atrocity?" asked Max.

"My new car," replied Shawn. I got it for a song and I'm going to fix it up."

"Hmmm," said Max. "Well, don't drive it around until you get a new muffler. I don't want to get thrown out of the neighbourhood. Shawn, go get your mother. We are all going out for dinner tonight."

Later that night in bed, Sarah started thinking about getting another job. She sure wasn't good at being a waitress and her previous job hadn't gone well either. She had worked in the lady's dress boutique at the local department store. She had ripped several dresses, getting caught and falling into them as she was putting them away. Being short, many of the dresses were bigger than she was. Well, that hadn't gotten her fired. But…the day she lost a woman's credit card behind the cash register and to find it, maintenance had had to rip up the whole wall behind the cash register, including the floor and ceiling of the floor below. Then to add injury to insult, when the credit card was finally found, it fell through the hole in the ceiling and a dog in the pet department just below found it first and chewed it into pieces. That may have been the reason she was fired from that job…

Sarah's real longing was to work at Control with her parents. She had never put it into spoken words. Maybe now was the time. Ever since she could remember, she had thought it would be so much fun to be a spy. And Max had always succeeded at Control, even being slightly uncoordinated like Sarah was. Hmmm…maybe she could persuade her Dad to enrol her in spy school instead of high school next year. She didn't think it would be hard to get him to agree. 99 would be the one she had to convince….

Max had been thinking about Sarah's job problem too. The Chief had mentioned that Larrabee, his secretary/aide, would be out of town for several weeks for a family get-together. It shouldn't be hard to convince Thaddeus that he needed someone to fill in and it could provide at least a short-term job for Sarah. If his daughter did well at this job, maybe she could move into something better at Control.

Max had no idea what career Sarah wanted to follow. She was artistically talented, as were both he and 99, in drawing and painting. In addition, Sarah was musical, like her mother, and she also liked to write poetry and prose. But outside of being a starving artist, none of it added up to a career. It convinced him more than ever that he needed to give her a big push in the right direction.


	2. Disguises

Chapter 2- Disguises

It was Saturday morning. At the breakfast table, 99 knew something was going on. Both Max and Sarah started to talk, several times, both together, and then stopped. Shawn looked at them too, his dark brows knit together.

"I'm going in to work today as usual," Max announced. "Eh, 99, I'm not on a case…I just have something to discuss with the Chief." He looked a little furtive. "Sarah, I'd like you to come along."

"Max," said 99, feeling there was a little evasiveness going on. "Why does Sarah have to come along?"

"Eh…well, Sarah just lost her job, you know and eh, I was going to help her find something else…" his voice trailed off. Max looked at their expressions. Sarah looked totally elated, Shawn had that confused look that 99 had seen many times on Max's face…in fact, Shawn _really_ looked like a younger, longer-haired carbon copy of Max at the moment…and 99 was frowning a bit.

"You're going to get her a job at Control. Is that a good idea, Max?" 99 wasn't really disapproving, but she didn't like Max's evasiveness.

"Well, _we_ both already work there, 99," said Max, as if 99 couldn't see the obvious. He stood up and said authoritatively, "Let's go, Sarah! The Tiger awaits!"

"Dad?"

"What, Sarah?"

"Can we finish breakfast first?"

"Dad, what made you think of getting me a job at Control?" said Sarah excitedly, as the Tiger Sunbeam sped along. "Will I get to go out with you on cases? Can I go to Spy School?"

"Slow down, hon'!" said Max. "You aren't going to be a secret agent. This is a temporary job. You will be filling in for Larrabee."

"Oh," said Sarah, a little crestfallen. "So I get to type?"

"Sarah, I still have to get the Chief to agree. I haven't talked to him about it yet. But he _will _agree," Max said confidently, not realizing that many times when the Chief _did_ agree with him, it was simply to get Max out of his hair, or lack of. The Chief and Max went way back and considered each other good friends. But the Chief's blood pressure tended to go up when Max pulled some of his shenanigans. The Chief let Max get away with a lot of craziness simply because he really did get the job done, albeit the unorthodox _way_ he got the job done could drive one up the wall.

Sarah had been to Control many times before. As a child she and Shawn sometimes ended up there when 99 and Max had to be on a case for a few days and their grandmother wasn't available. The twins missed their parents terribly when they were away, but staying at Control was pretty much fun. The Chief had a suite of rooms he made available to them with a TV, books, toys and games, and a place to do their homework. They usually got pizza or tacos and ice cream for supper too. There was always an off-duty agent or other employee who baby-sat with them. Their parents felt good knowing they were safe at Control. Unfortunately, there were no other children to play with, as Max and 99 were one of the only married Control couples.

Sarah liked the secrecy of Control, starting with the strange set of doors to get into the basement area of the large building where the secret agency was located. The final step to the basement was the telephone booth elevator and then the long corridor to the Chief's office.

The automatic door was standing open and the Chief was at his desk. He looked hassled. Sarah walked through in front of her father. When the Chief stood up, he actually looked glad to see them.

"Hi, Sarah…hi, Max. You came at an opportune time. I need some help here…Max, can you fill in at Larrabee's desk? For a Saturday, it's really busy and I can't get a thing done, with that phone out there ringing and …" He stopped, noticing they both looked mildly surprised. "I never thought I'd say this, but I guess I miss Larrabee…he must be doing _something_ around here…"

"Eh, Chief, I think I have someone better than me to fill in for Larrabee. Sarah is looking for a new job, and in the meantime, I thought she might be able to do something here…she can fill in for Larrabee…"

"Great, Max. Can she type? Oh, I don't care…can she write?…Can she file? Look Max, if she can write and speak nicely on the telephone and do some filling, I'll be glad to have her. Show her where to sit."

Max had been hoping to take her to all those secret places she had never been able to see before … like the lab, the costume area, the vending machines…the Chief interrupted him. "I'm sorry, Max, I didn't mean to be so abrupt, but this is turning into a _very_ trying day…"

"Chief, it's 7:30 am…how trying could it be?"

"Max, what day is it?"

"Saturday, Chief." He narrowed his eyes…"Why don't you know that?"

"Max, I've been here 48 hours straight…since Thursday morning…I'm beginning to say things that remind me of you…."

Max thought that was a compliment. "I _do_ believe in working long hours." He took a long look at his superior. "You look awful. Why don't I drive you home?"

"No, Max, it's OK. I'll take a cab. Wait, I can't do that…there's no one to take my place…" He looked at Max, who was smiling like the proverbial cat-who-swallowed-a-canary.

"All right, Max, you can take over. But call me immediately if something comes up that you can't handle….don't guess…don't make up any more rules…Sarah, please call me a cab." She went to the outer desk and started dialling. The Chief sighed. It was nice to talk to someone who knew what he meant…if he made that request of Larrabee, Larrabee would say, "Chief, you're a cab."

"Have a good day off, Uncle Thad," Sarah called as he waved goodbye.

Max sat at the Chief's desk. He had filled in for the Chief before, usually with disastrous results. This time would be different. Sarah was here. They would be a team. For the first time in his Control career, he did not particularly wish to be on a case at the moment. He wanted to be with Sarah.

Sarah came in the Chief's office after a few minutes and pitched forward into a chair as she turned her ankle. "Sarah, take off those high heels. They are dangerous." He narrowed his eyes and said confidentially, "That's why I never let your mother wear them!"

Sarah giggled. "No, Dad…it's because she'd be taller than you if she wore high heels!" Sarah was the only one who could tease him about his height …he was sensitive about it, but he could take it from her.

"You watch it, little lady," he answered.

"I don't have any other shoes…is there anything around here I could borrow?"

Max looked in the Chief's closet, but all he came up with was a pair of the Chief's old shoes, probably size 10 men's. "I don't suppose you'd consider wearing these," he quipped, showing them to her.

"Would you believe they are only 100 sizes too big for me?"

"Sarah, they have a lot of things in the Disguise Room…I know they must have a pair of shoes to fit you."

"Who's going to answer the phone if I leave?"

"Just transfer all the calls to my shoe phone."

They were walking down another corridor, when Max's shoe phone rang. He took it off and answered it. Then his other shoe rang. "Sarah, get that," he whispered, still talking on the right shoe. He sat down while she pulled off his other shoe and answered it. She couldn't make head or tail of what the caller was asking because Max was still talking into the first shoe and his cuff links were ringing.

Then Sarah heard another ring. She opened Max's coat and reached in his inner pocket, finding his pen phone. As she turned it on to answer it, she was trying not to listen to the shouting in the left shoe phone. The pen said, "Sarah, is that you? This is Mom. How are things going? It must be nuts over at Control today. I tried both your Dad's shoes and his cuff links too…all busy."

"I know, Mom…can't talk now…I'll get back to you later."

The left shoe phone was still shouting and she turned it off because she didn't know what the person was saying anyway. Max was still talking to the right shoe. "No! I told you it's not La Paloma Pizza Joint! I can't get you a half-cheese, half-pepperoni…no…what? You wanted half green pepper-half cheese-half sausage? That's three halves…what are you trying to pull? You want a keg of beer with that? What? You'll shove WHAT down my throat?…Up my nose with WHAT?"

Sarah pulled the shoe away from Max and put it back together. She had seen him get involved in moronic and weird conversations before and they always had to be stopped before they got out of hand. She handed him both his shoes. "Here, put these on."

"Thanks, Sarah. I hate it when phone calls go on and on…" He looked at her stocking feet. "Sarah, where are your shoes?"

"I left them in the Chief's office."

"I can't let you walk around barefoot. Here, take my shoes."

"Dad," she smiled. "Those are too big for me too. Put 'em on. I'll be fine till we get to the disguise area. And Dad…"

"What, Sarah?"

"Don't answer your shoes."

After finding Sarah a pretty pink pair of sparkly flat shoes, Max showed her around the rest of the disguise room. She loved dressing in costumes and was amazed at the variety.

"Dad, can I try on the rest of the costume?" It was a long pink sparkly dress with fairy wings.

"Eh…well, why not?" he indulged her.

She came out of the dressing room looking like Tinkerbelle. "Dad, why don't you try one on too?"

"Which one?"

She pointed to a green outfit with tights. "Peter Pan! The boy who never grew up!"

He came out of the dressing room with the green tights, green leafy jacket and hat and pointed shoes. Sarah thought he looked cute. With his slim physique, he could pull it off.

"Let's get these off, Sarah. The phone is probably ringing off the hook". At that moment, Max's shoe phone rang again. He was holding it in his hand while Sarah held his other shoe.

She sighed as he answered the phone dutifully. "What? You're calling from where? We'll be right over."

Sarah stared at Max excitedly. He had said "we..." was he really planning to take Sarah on a case?


	3. Looking For 13

**Chapter 3 – Looking for 13**

Sarah, Agent 13 has been captured by KAOS. He was hiding in a deli case when there was a robbery in the store. They not only took the money, they took the deli case too. Hurry, 99, let's get going," he went on. "We need to get Agent 13 back before KAOS discovers he's in the deli case and tortures him for information. 13 cracks easily, you know."

"Dad…two things."

"What?"

"We need to get out of these costumes and…"

"What is it, 99" he said absently.

"I'm not, Mom! I can't go with you! Do you want me to get her on the phone to meet you somewhere?"

Max looked at Sarah. "No, don't call her…Sarah, we can handle this together…you're going with me!"

"Really?" The 17-year old felt excited and queasy at the same time. She hadn't had any agent training. Was her Dad serious? Still in their strange costumes, they sprinted back to the Chief's office.

Max started fiddling around in the Chief's closet again. "The Chief has some clothes in here…" He pulled out a navy blue pinstriped suit and a shirt and blue tie. "Hey, this is spiffy…it should fit me.

"What about me, Dad? None of those would ever fit me!"

"This one will!" Max triumphantly held up a suit and shirt exactly like the one he had found, but much smaller. "Try it!"

She changed in the Chief's bathroom while Max changed at the Chief's desk. When she came out, they looked almost as much like twins as she and Shawn did. "Hey, Dad, this looks neat! But tell me, why does Uncle Thad have this tiny set of clothes. Did he wear this when he was 9?"

"Eh, well," said Max. "I don't know why he kept it, but it happened when I spilled ink all over him one day. He told me to take it to the cleaners and I, eh, thought he said "laundromat" instead. I ended up washing it with some of my clothes."

"So…why is there an identical suit…the one you have on?"

"I had to buy him another suit or he would have fired me."

"Oh."

"This was of course, before I married your mother. She would have never let this happen. She would have taken it to the cleaners herself. And she would have filled my pen with invisible ink." He nodded his head in affirmation of what he had said.

"I get it, Dad!" She smiled at another of his endless excuses. "Anyway, it fits me real well. We look like the zoot-suit twins."

As they passed Larrabee's desk, his phone began to ring. Sarah was about to grab it when Max told her to ignore the phone. "You can't answer phones any more…you're a secret agent now!" His words sent a thrill through her…whether it was excitement or fear she couldn't tell.

Max jumped over the door of the red Tiger Sunbeam and caught his shoe in the top of the door as usual, falling head first into the driver's seat. Sarah opened the door and helped him extricate himself. "Dad, why don't you open the door before you get in?" She opened the passenger side door and whacked her leg so hard she almost fell. Then she snagged the Chief's pants in the door closing it. She pushed herself against the console to disentangle her trousers from the door and hit a button that sent up a smoke screen inside the car.

"Okay, Dad, I see why you jump over the door."

She turned and looked behind them, down the street. "What is that horrendous noise?"

Max turned. "We haven't even put it in first gear and we're already being followed." Shawn pulled up in his hideous car and turned off the motor.

"Where do you two Keystone Kops think you're going? Mom was worried; she sent me over to check on you. She couldn't get you on any of the phones. And Uncle Thad isn't answering his phone either."

"Hop in, Shawn. I'll fill you in on the way," said Max. "There's no time to waste!"

Max was speeding again, as he tended to do in the little red convertible. "Dad, what's that light on the dashboard…it's blue…are you out of gas?" asked Sarah.

"So, 13 remembered to turn his homing device on!" mused Max. He explained that all Control agents were issued a homing device in their clothing. When they turned it on, they could be found much easier. The blue light installed in his car came on when an agent turned on their homing device nearby.

"Why wouldn't they turn it on immediately so they could be found right away?" asked Shawn, leaning over the front seat between his father and sister, his longish black hair blowing in the breeze.

"Two things, Shawn. One, the Lab men put the device in various items of clothing, but don't tell us where it is. That way, we can't tell KAOS about it if we are captured."

"What's the second one?"

"Sometimes they forget to include batteries."

"Dad, that doesn't make sense!" said Shawn.

"We must be getting closer, the light is getting brighter," said Max.

"How do you know which way to go?" asked Sarah. "Yikes, Dad, stop the car!" she screamed. She and Shawn held on for dear life as they realized that the car was speeding toward a fishing dock that ended in the river.

Max stopped the car just in time, right at the end of the dock and the twins looked wide-eyed at each other.

"Eh…missed it by that much!" Max held up his thumb and first finger with less than half an inch between them.

"Dad…you weren't watching where you were going! You could have gotten us killed!" yelled Sarah.

Shawn soundlessly put his finger to his lips to shush his sister. "Let it go, Sarah!"

"Let's go kids," said Max, about to jump over the car door, when he realized, just in time, that if he did that, he would be jumping off the side of the dock and into the water. "Maybe I'll just pull the car back a bit…"

When they got off the dock, Shawn quickly jumped over the car door and said, "Here, let me open the door for you, Dad." Sarah managed to get out of the car without further incident.

"So where are they hiding Agent 13, Dad?" asked Sarah.

Max looked around. There was a boat-house restaurant nearby…it looked deserted. Then there was a boat storage area. Through the gigantic, gaping garage-like door, he could see three tiers of various pleasure boats, both sail and power. There were several other dilapidated warehouses a bit further away from the river. He looked across the river to the other side. There were huge tall silos for storing grain and round half-circles for storing fuel. Max noticed a long freighter riding high in the water, waiting to take on its cargo.

"Where do we start, Dad?" asked Shawn.

Suddenly Max looked as if he had forgotten something. "Sarah, did you forward all the Chief's calls back to his office?"

"No, Dad… I forgot all about it…sorry about that."

"Then why aren't my shoes ringing? They should be going crazy with calls like they were before. Why isn't anyone calling?"

"Dad…those aren't your shoes! You must have put the Chief's shoes on when we changed clothes!"

"Then I'll just use my pen phone." He searched the inner pocket of the Chief's coat, nothing. "Eh…Sarah, don't tell me the Chief's cufflinks aren't a phone either."

"Dad, I don't think his cufflinks are a phone."

"I asked you not to tell me that!"

"So what are we going to do, Dad?" asked Shawn, impatiently.

"Shawn, I need your help. You have to search me for weapons and phones."

"What are you talking about, Dad?"

"I know the Chief has something secreted in this suit, but I can't take it off outside to search. You'll have to frisk me," replied Max.

Sarah had been checking her pockets. "Wait, Dad…I think _I_ can help you…"

"Sarah!" said Max, adamantly. "I am _not_ going to let _you_ frisk me!"

"No, that's not it…look!" She produced the pen phone they had used earlier. "I forgot to give it back, Dad. And look what else I found…" She took out a small revolver from her pocket and handed it to Max.

Max recognized the gun and he looked confused. "How did your mother's gun get in the Chief's suit pocket?"

"Dad…uh, I, uh, grabbed it just before we left home. I didn't tell you because I thought you'd be mad. But I thought …just in case…"

"Young lady, when I get you back home tonight, you are getting a spanking!" threatened Max.

"Dad, I'm not 7 years old…I'm 17! You can't spank me any more!" She knew his _you've-been-bad-but-I'm-proud-of-you-anyway_ look. "I brought my Swiss army knife, too. I can stab someone if you want me to…" she gave him an impish smile.

"Shawn, throw her in the river!" said Max.

Shawn picked her up and made a move toward the water. Sarah was kicking and screaming and laughing all at the same time. He set her down.

"Shouldn't we be quiet?" asked Shawn. "We don't want Agent 13's captors to notice us, do we?"

"It doesn't matter," said Max. "To them, we just look like a family out for a picnic." He looked at Sarah and Shawn. "Eh, to be precise, a family of gangsters and a hippie out for a picnic."

"I don't look like a stupid hippie," said Shawn.

"Get your hair cut and I won't say that any more."

Max headed for the deserted-looking restaurant. The doors were locked. "Sarah, give me that pen phone."

"Who are you going to call?" asked Sarah.

"No one. It has a laser in the other end. We are going to cut through the door lock."

Sarah felt excited. She glanced at Shawn. He looked very interested, too. The laser made a hissing sound as Max cut through the lock and the door fell open. The Smarts stepped in the dusty room. The restaurant looked as if it had not been used for years. Tables and chairs were piled on top of each other around the perimeter of the room as if waiting patiently for the cleaning person to mop the floor.

Max pulled open an old freezer door. It was a walk-in freezer that hadn't worked in ages. There had once been boxes and cans of food sitting on the now-deserted shelves. Max looked around, then spotted what he wanted. He picked up an old tin can from a trash basket and gave it to Sarah to wipe out with a Kleenex. Women _always_ carried Kleenex. She handed it back and he walked outside the freezer and held the can up to the wall to listen.

"Hmmm…nothing there…no…not here…" he said absently to himself, as he moved around the room with the can to his ear.

"What's he doing?" whispered Shawn.

"Listening, ditz!" replied Sarah.

"I know! But for what?"

"Some kind of sounds, someone talking, maybe?"

Sarah suddenly had an idea. She pulled out the pen phone. "Dad, what is Agent 13's phone number?"

Max stopped listening at the wall. "Sarah, now is _not_ the time to socialize. Besides, 13's number is classified. Oh, eh…" He finally understood and said, "It's 333-5569."

Sarah pressed the tiny buttons and waited. The call went through and soon there was a small ringing sound heard from down the stairs. Max and the twins flew down the stairs…and almost crashed right into a huge, mean-looking thug standing at the bottom. He was holding up another pen phone in his hand. It was ringing. "Looking for this?" he asked menacingly


	4. Big Dumb Benny

**Chapter 4 – Big Dumb Benny**

Almost crashing into a huge mean-looking thug, the Smarts only hesitated for an instant.

Max and his teen-aged kids flew into action. Max delivered a blow to the man's face, which only made him turn his face to the side. Shawn punched him in the stomach, again to no effect. Sarah gave him a swift kick in the ankles and he laughed. She looked down, realizing she was still wearing the cutsie, sparkly little pink Tinkerbelle shoes. Yuck, what a time to have dumb shoes on. A pair of high-heels would have made a much better weapon.

The thug pulled his gun and motioned to the Smarts to move closer to the wall, where a plethora of furniture was stacked helter-skelter. A ratty orange couch stood to the side and the thug told them to sit down.

"I gotta problem," he said.

"Can we help you?" asked Max.

"Yeah. My problem is there is three of youse…and I only got _two_ handcuffs _And_ I can't let nobody go!"

"There's an easy answer to that, my man," said Max, confidently. "Bring them over here. _This_ is how you do it." Max was sitting between his children. He took one set of handcuffs and put one cuff around Shawn's left hand and the other around his own right hand and closed them. Then he took the other set and closed one cuff on his left hand and the other on Sarah's right hand. "See?" he looked up at the thug. "That's how you do it!"

"Dad, what are you doing?" whispered Sarah under her breath. Max looked at the three of them handcuffed together and realized what he'd done.

The thug was looking at him quizzically too. Sarah noticed that the thug was dressed remarkably similar to her father and herself. "Who _are _you people?" He sized up Max's and Sarah's zoot-suits and said, "Are you some of Big Benny's gang?"

"Who's Big Benny?" asked Max.

"We call him Big _Dumb_ Benny." He laughed. "He's allus fallin' in the river or crashin' his car…he mighta killed himself accidentally by now." He turned serious. "Are you sure _you_ ain't Big Benny?"

"Do I look like _Big_ Benny?" said Max, rolling his eyes. "Say fella, what's your name?"

"Larry," he said. "Laughin' Larry."

"Larry," Max said seriously. "Did you see a deli case around here by any chance?"

"Sure I did. Our last job…last night…we busted into a deli and grabbed the deli case cuz we was hungry. I don't think the rest o' the stuff is any good today. We don't have no fridge and that liverwurst is smellin' to high heaven! Prob'ly poison by now. Hey, you guys want some?"

"We'll wait to eat til suppertime," said Max.

"Somebody's comin'!" Larry stood by his post at the bottom of the steps as a very short, chubby man, dressed much like Laughin' Larry, appeared at the top of the stairs. He took one mis-step and fell down the rest of the way.

"Okay, Larry…" yelled the small man, as he got up…where's the deli case?"

"You must be Benny. What you want with the deli case, Benny?"

Sarah was thoroughly confused. Why would two gangsters want a deli case full of spoiled meat? Were they KAOS agents? Was that little man really _Big_ Benny? And where in the world was Agent 13? She wondered what her Dad was thinking. He was trying to get his hand in his coat pocket, without any success.

"Dad, what are you doing?" whispered Shawn, as the two gangsters shouted at each other.

"It looks like Big Dumb Benny isn't the only idiot in this room," said Max. Larry forgot to disarm us. I'm trying to get the gun out of my pocket."

"Let me get it – I have a free hand," said Sarah. She reached in his left coat pocket with her left hand and found her mother's gun. "Shawn, my knife is in my right pocket, she whispered. "Can you get it?"

Shawn reached around in front of Max and put his hand in Sarah's right pocket. "Good," said Max. "All we need now is the pen phone/laser. Who had it last?"

"I did," said Sarah. "But I put it back in your right pocket. Let me get it." She put her left hand across Max and into his right pocket. Just then the three prisoners noticed the thugs looking at them.

Max smiled. "Group hug," he explained. The gangsters went back to their bickering.

"We have to get these handcuffs off!" said Shawn.

"Shawn, take the laser pen and cut through the handcuffs. Start with yourself. Let's put our hands behind us where what you're doing won't be noticed."

Shawn quickly got the hang of the laser pen and freed himself and his father. He got too sure of himself when he reached Sarah's hand and he almost burned her wrist. "Oww!" she said, jerking her hand away. The laser light jerked in Shawn's hand too, and burned the nasty orange upholstered couch.

"Sssh," said Max, 99's gun in his hand. Sarah opened her knife and held it carefully, not sure what she would do with it. Shawn sat poised with the laser still in his hand. Suddenly, behind the Smarts, there came a popping and crackling sound, and the smell of burning fabric. The couch had caught on fire from the laser pen. It gave them the time they needed. With amazing coordination, the three leaped at the gangsters and knocked them out cold.

"Shawn, give me the handcuffs," yelled Max. Shawn ignored his father and grabbed a large fire extinguisher nearby, and thankfully, it still worked. From school he had learned that there were only seconds to stop a small fire from becoming uncontrollable. The fire was extinguished in a short time.

"Thanks, Shawn…that was fast thinking. Now give me the handcuffs."

"Dad, I destroyed them with the laser, remember?"

"Eh…you're right, Shawn. Is there any rope around?"

"No, Dad, but I found some electrical wire. That should work," suggested Shawn. It was on a huge spindle and Shawn carried it over to Max. Together they tied up the two thugs who were still unconscious.

"Well, another case solved and another gangster jailed!" said Max, starting up the stairs.

"Dad, we haven't found Agent 13 yet," said Sarah. "Where could he be?"


	5. They're Playing My Song

Chapter 5 – They're Playing My Song

"Our last clue vanished when Larry took the pen phone/homing device away from him," said Max.

The three looked at each other. "Larry just took it away from Agent 13 when we called it…that's how he found it…13 can't be far away." said Shawn.

Just then, they heard the tinkle of piano keys. "Rats, mice…must be a million of 'em in here," mused Max.

The tinkle started again. "Listen, kids, the rats are playing a song…It sounds like…like…" Max couldn't place the song. "What does that sound like, Sarah?"

"It's a Stephen Foster song, Dad…'Beautiful Dreamer.'"

"Of course…where is that piano?" Following the tinkling song, they spotted an old, dilapidated, but apparently still-usable grand piano in a far corner. The piano had ropes tied all around it. Max walked up to it and said in a monotone voice, "_Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me._"

The answer from inside the piano said,"_Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee."_

Shawn looked perplexed. "It's the password and answer, Shawn…" said Sarah. "Didn't you learn anything from Dad and Uncle Thad? Secret agents use that to confirm each other's identity."

The twins moved closer to the piano. The top was open a crack and they could see Agent 13 inside the piano. He noticed them and smiled. "Hi, twins! Good to see you again…hey, you've really grown up! And Max, they really look like you!" He scowled. "Max, this has been the worst day of my life!"

"Worse than being in the mailbox?"

"Worse, much worse!"

"What about the fireplace?"

"That was bad, but oh boy…my achin' back," he complained. "Max, you haven't been tortured until you have been inside a grand piano for 12 hours!"

"How did it happen, 13, how did they capture you?"

"I was in the deli case listening … The Chief sent me to listen for KAOS agents passing money in the deli. And they took me along with the deli case. They were hungry."

"How did you get in the piano?"

"Max, it was terrible! At first, I was freezing in the refrigerated deli case. I was sneezing and everything. Then when they unplugged me, it got so hot in there, all the food started to smell bad. I think I got liverwurst in my hair."

Max sniffed. "You're right; it's liverwurst. So then what?"

"So I snuck out to get a breath of fresh air. They saw me run back in and I hid in the piano. But they noticed where I went and tied me up!"

"13, they tied up the piano."

"Same thing. It was rude!"

"Can you untie me now?"

"Sure, 13. Sarah, bring the knife over here." They cut the ropes and let 13 out of the piano. "By the way, 13, you're pretty talented on the piano. I recognized that tune immediately." Sarah glanced at Shawn and rolled her eyes.

"I wasn't playing the piano."

"But I distinctly heard you play _Beautiful Dreamer_."

"Oh that wasn't me…it was the rats."

Max pulled out the pen phone and tried to call Control. The phone was dead; they had used up the battery cutting the handcuffs with the laser. Then he remembered there wasn't anyone at Control anyway, and his shoes, with all the transferred calls were still in the Chief's office.

"Shawn, go outside and use the Police call box to call the police to come and get these KAOS agents," said Max.

"How do I get into it…it's locked."

"Use the laser pen," suggested Max.

"Dad, the laser pen's battery is dead," said Sarah. "But let _me_ try to get the lock open." Sarah went outside with her brother and located the police box. Max watched curiously as she actually opened the call box with a hairpin.

"Where did you learn to do that?" he asked.

"Dad, I have wanted to be a secret agent ever since I was little. I've been practising my skills."

"Are you sure you're not going to rob banks and crack safes, Ma Barker?"

Sarah gave him a friendly shove and laughed. Shawn said the police were on their way. But there were still a couple things that bothered her.

"Are those gangsters KAOS agents?" she asked.

"Not per se. There are a lot of gangsters that sell information and other things to KAOS, but they're not really secret agents."

"Dad, I wonder why they really wanted the deli case. There had to be a reason Big Benny wanted the case too…it was too late to eat supper out of it…everything went bad…"

"Good thinking, little girl," said Max. "Let's find out."

They found the deli case by smell and opened up the sliding door, then closed it again immediately, almost overcome with the smell of rotten liverwurst, fish, onions, Limburger…

"Sarah, I don't think it's worth it to look any closer," said Max, holding his nose and gasping for breath.

She was still looking through the glass and didn't see anything among the various rotten items, some of them getting green and fuzzy.

"We didn't look on the bottom!" said Sarah.

The three turned the heavy case over and opened a sliding door in the bottom of the case and saw…3 large golden bars…pure gold.

"Wonder how much that's worth?" wondered Shawn.

"Must be millions! The Chief will be proud of us for cracking this case! But we have to take the gold with us – it will be up to Control to return it." Max picked up one of the bars of gold…or tried…he used both hands….still not able to budge it. He finally got his hands around it and with brute force and extraordinary strength, lifted it, but the weight threw him off balance and he fell backwards with the gold falling on top of his foot.

"Here, Dad, let me help you," said Sarah. Between them, they managed to get one bar out into the car, while Shawn grabbed the remaining two and followed them.

Sirens were heard in the distance and Max wanted to get a move on so they wouldn't have to make any explanations to the police other than the anonymous call. They circled around the back of the waterfront area and headed toward Control.


	6. The Chief is Not Happy

Chapter 6 – The Chief is Not Happy

Max was surprised to see both 99 and the Chief in the Chief's office as he and the twins walked in. Another agent wheeled the three gold bars into the office on a hand truck. Max was expecting accolades from the Chief, but from the look on his face…

"Don't yell at the kids, Chief. They did everything by the book." Max started to say.

"Max, I don't know where to start. Maybe you better sit down before you cause an accident. Never mind…you ARE an accident."

Max thought the Chief's face looked a very odd colour. He sat down on the edge of the chair and it tipped over, spilling him on the floor. He got up and brushed his jacket off. He didn't like the look on 99's face either.

The twins were standing in the back of the office, near the door. They were about to back out when the Chief said, "You two are involved in this too. Sit down!" Sarah and Shawn took seats. They both looked a little scared.

"First of all Max, I left you in charge here today."

"Right, Chief."

"So where have you been the last 6 hours?"

"I got a call that Agent 13 was kidnapped."

"And you had to go yourself? You couldn't send another agent?"

"That would have been a good idea," said Max.

"Another thing…why wasn't there anyone answering the phones in the office?"

"I transferred them to my shoe phone."

"Max, your shoe phone only has one extension. And by the way, you shoes are HERE in MY OFFICE, not with you!"

"True," said Max. He narrowed his eyes and seemed to be thinking very hard. He was really trying to come up with a good explanation, other than he hadn't thought things through very thoroughly.

"And why are you wearing my suit, Max? My best suit? The one that you ruined once before…the one that Sarah's wearing…"The Chief looked at her quizzically. "Sarah, why are you wearing my suit? And your shoes don't match…"

"Uncle Thad, I'm sorry…what happened is that Dad and I were answering calls like you said and then when we transferred all the calls to his shoes, there were too many calls and then we went down to the disguise room and dressed up like Peter Pan and Tinkerbelle…"

"You WHAT?" yelled the Chief. 99 was listening in silence, thinking she was in the Twilight Zone. Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

Sarah cringed when he yelled. Max stood up and leaned over the desk, looking threateningly at the Chief. "Chief, I'll thank you not to yell at my daughter! She was the one that broke this case, you know!" He pounded his fist on the desk. The effect was somewhat lessened by the fact that his hand was in the Chief's ashtray.

"Max, sit down!" The Chief was really mad. Max sat down trying to wipe the ashes from his hand and wearing his best _I-know-I'm-right_ look.

Shawn spoke up. He had his arm around Sarah. "Uncle Thad, Sarah really did well today. She helped Dad solve the case."

"I appreciate that, Shawn. But Sarah, why did you desert your post? I put you in charge of answering phones. I expected that you would be able to do as good a job as Larrabee, and probably a _lot_ better!"

"I'm sorry, Uncle Thad. I didn't mean to mess up. Does this mean I'm fired?"

"No, Sarah. You're not fired because you were never hired in the first place. However, I do think you have potential. I would like you to come back on Monday and fill out a real application for employment. I want you to continue to fill in for Larrabee until he returns and then I am sure we can find something else, at least for the summer."

Sarah brightened considerably and smiled. Her twin gave her a brotherly hug.

"Now, Sarah, that hinges on your promise to me that you will not go on any cases with your father, unless approved by me…" he glanced at 99…"and your mother. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," said Sarah humbly.

"Now I think 99 has something to say," said the Chief. Max looked at 99.. He could tell she was steaming. She let Max get away with all kinds of shenanigans, but when it came to the kids, she was very protective.

"Max, how COULD you?" she demanded. "You let Sarah take my gun, you know she hasn't been to a weapons class yet, you put both of them in danger by taking them along, neither of them has been to spy school…" 99 was angry and tearful at the same time. "Then I hear that you were involved with gangsters and there was a fire…a FIRE, Max! You could have all been hurt or killed! What's the matter with you, Max? I'm sick of your idiocy!"

Max felt really embarrassed in front of the kids and the Chief. 99 was right. He shouldn't have run off like a little kid after the ice cream truck.

"And Max," said 99.

"What, 99?"

"You got another speeding ticket!"

"I did NOT!"

She handed him a speeding ticket. "The cops couldn't keep up with you, so they just wrote a ticket and handed it to me."

Shawn and Sarah glanced at each other in amusement…it WAS fun riding with their Dad; he drove faster than anyone they knew.

Max looked up. He tried again, "You know, Chief, we really _did_ rescue Agent 13."

"Yes, Max, I know." He walked over to the wall map/movie projector and knocked. A small door in the map opened and Agent 13 looked out.

"Max, I told the Chief that you three were great! I was sure getting tired of being bitten in the toes by the rats in that piano," he complained. "And last night, you wouldn't believe the songs they were playing on the piano! Real loud too! And I couldn't sing along because they were mostly songs I didn't know!"

"Thanks, Agent 13, for your report," said the Chief, wearily. "And 13?"

"Yes, Chief?"

"Take some time off and wash that liverwurst out of your hair. It's smelling up my office."

The ride home in the red sports car was quiet and painful. Sarah had opted to ride in Shawn's horrible jalopy to let her parents talk. Max drove slower, almost too slow. He didn't want another speeding ticket, especially in front of 99.

"Max," said 99 at the same time that Max said, "99?"

"What?" they both said in unison.

99 smiled. "Max, I'm really sorry I made a scene in front of the Chief and the kids. But sometimes you just act like a big kid yourself. "

"99, they're 17 years old now, they're almost grown up…"

"That's the point, Max…_almost_. They still need our guidance."

"I want to encourage Sarah to join Control, 99, I think she should go to spy school."

"Me too, Max. I think she shows such a lot of promise. And she adores you, Max. Be a good example to her."

"You're right, 99. From now on, no more running off without thinking about it first. No more speeding. No more…" He pulled the car over to the nearest curb.

"What are you doing, Max?"

Max stopped the car and grabbed 99, pulled her close and gave her a long and tender kiss. "Sweetheart, don't ever let me do anything to lose you!"

"I won't, love," replied 99.

Sarah wondered why her parents were taking so long to get home. She was worried they were still mad at each other. She kept peering out her bedroom window. Then she caught sight of the red Tiger entering the garage. Max and 99 were holding hands and smiling as they walked into the house.

She heard him fall up the stairs and then knock on her bedroom door. "Sarah?" he said.

"Come in Dad." He tripped over her jewellery case.

"Sarah, somebody could get hurt in this room. I want you to clean it up. Your bed looks like Oscar Madison slept in it…are you sure he's not in there?" He pretended to look for someone under the mess of bedclothes.

"Dad! You're such a neat-nik!"

"Sarah, if you want to be a spy, you have to be neat and tidy. You have to know where your tools and devices are at all times. You have to be totally aware of your surroundings. You have to have the eye of an eagle and be quick as a fox. You have to scout out every area of a room to look for danger and hidden KAOS agents. And…most importantly, you have to follow orders."

"Dad, you didn't follow orders today."

"Well, Sarah, that's a hard one to sort out. You also have to have the wisdom to know when to follow orders and when it's a good idea not to."

"So how do you get that wisdom?" asked Sarah.

"Eh…I'm still working on it," said Max.

She hugged him and stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss. They walked hand in hand to the door where he promptly walked into the door frame and hit his nose.

"One more thing, Sarah."

"What, Dad?"

"Don't do _that_."

THE END


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